Mummy Guilt. - Ariel's World
Ariel’s World is the journey of a girl who just happens to have Down syndrome & where her namesake scented products raise money for Down Syndrome charities
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Mummy Guilt.

Estimated reading time 4 minutes

I am currently on a mummy guilt trip and it is awful. (I am pretty sure it is not fun for anyone).  I haven’t been blogging much lately because of it. It is hard to be creative with such negative feelings like these.

It is really hard being a single mum. It is really hard having a part time job, and a business and be a single mum. I feel very stretched to be honest. I was told the other day, when I was complaining, that I was in this position because of the choices I had made. Mmmmmm, do people really think that due to a couple of choices I made I am in this position? Surely not….

There are a lot of factors that can lead people to their situation. People often find themselves having to choose between 2 unfavourable situations. We should not be so quick to judge the decisions of others unless we have walked in their shoes, as the old saying goes.

I feel like I am not being  good enough mummy because I am always rushing, always busy, and I am tired and I often use the iPad as “creative play” for Ariel. I feel like I don’t spend enough time with Ariel and I sometimes my fuse is short. I wish I could be better….

I did a quick google search on mothers guilt and there are LOADS of blogs on the subject. Here are just a few memes I can across

fay-weldon-quote guilt-trip i-think-all-mothers-deal-with-feelings-of-guilt-working-mothers-are-plagued-by-guilt-on-steroids-arianna-huffington-8aabb

There is even a Mum guilt bingo…..

Obviously, it is a thing felt by all mums.  Guilt is not healthy, and of all people, the Mums should not be the ones feeling guilty. And what is with mums guilting other mums? We all need to stop that now. Last night I finished the first chapter of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and I have learnt a few things. One, people like to hook other peoples attention and spread poison about others to make their opinion right. Your opinion is nothing more than a point of view. It is not necessarily true. And two, we have to be impeccable with our word and that starts the the words we use with ourselves. We only let others treat us as we treat ourselves. Once we stop tolerating the negative self talk (self abuse) we won’t tolerate abuse from others. So, I am going to try and take it easy on myself. I am doing pretty great under the circumstances. My family are in another country and seems all of my friends live interstate. Im pretty much alone these days, I should be giving myself a pat on the back not a kick up the butt! I should be encouraging myself with praise not criticism. No one likes to be criticised.

I am going to review this book once I finished it as it is really making sense to me so far. I plan to read it over the next week to help me get off this quilt trip.

Do you suffer mummy guilt? How do you cope? x

 

12 Comments
  • Norlin
    Posted at 08:07h, 17 July Reply

    I used to feel guilty, but after having 3 kids and always putting everyone but me first (took a long time for me to realise though) that it’s ok to do things for myself. Mummy guilt is sadly a thing every mother feels. Wonder if there’s such a thing as “Daddy guilt”? 😉

    • Raylene Barton
      Posted at 09:57h, 17 July Reply

      ha yes doesn’t seem like there is. I am having a weekend to myself this weekend as Ariel is going to her dads to stay for the first time…. I SO NEED IT lol xx

  • Maureen
    Posted at 01:19h, 18 July Reply

    1st can I say awesome work mum. Secondly welcome to the guilty time of motherhood whatever the circumstances are. As for other people’s perspectives hehe yes well there are a lot out there right and so true until they walk in the shoes before assuming then it would be nice for them to just hold space for you. I know that’s all I have asked however some are unable to handle the situation themselves and then we have to dig deep and pull ourselves through. I guess it’s a way of showing you how strong and human you are. I am also glad to read you are giving yourself some slack knowing you are not super women and you can be vulnerable or whatever term you have chosen. Enjoy your weekend Raylene you are doing such an amazing job. i empathize with where you are at.

    • Raylene Barton
      Posted at 07:27h, 18 July Reply

      Thank you so much. Yes, once you become a mum you sympathise with all of the other mums and your own mum. We don’t realise until we become a mum just how emotionally taxing it can be. both good and bad emotions. I spent most my life not wanting children for this very reason. i am sensitive and find out hard to bear the guilt. But I will now have to get over that won’t I 😉

  • Rachel Stewart
    Posted at 07:16h, 18 July Reply

    I do the guilt thing. What I try to do when I’m really in a guilt funk is I ask myself if I was my own friend what would I say to myself. Be like – “You’re doing great! It’s really not as bad as you think it is!”

    • Raylene Barton
      Posted at 07:31h, 18 July Reply

      yep great advice. We are our own worst enemy at times. Its the self talk we need to start with. Thanks Rachel x

  • Mumma McD
    Posted at 08:04h, 18 July Reply

    I think it’s pretty normal to feel some guilt as a mum, about a range of things. The trick is not letting it overwhelm all the joy 🙂 I try not to say anything to myself that I wouldn’t say to a friend. ( I TRY, I don’t always succeed!!). Hope things look brighter soon 🙂

    • Raylene Barton
      Posted at 08:47h, 18 July Reply

      Today Ariel went to her dads to stay for the weekend for the first time. I got my hair done and drank champagne and I did not feel guilty. Things are looking a little brighter 😉

  • Luisa @ Looking for mama me
    Posted at 11:18h, 19 July Reply

    I am constantly plagued by guilt and my bubs only 9 months old! I recently wrote about feeling guilty for just thinking of having a second child, can you believe it! We are so hard on ourselves. I applaud single working mums, you take the full load dont you!

    • Raylene Barton
      Posted at 00:10h, 21 July Reply

      Thank you Luisa, it is a full load that is for sure. The guilt can start early can’t it and apparently never goes away….

  • Anissa
    Posted at 13:05h, 20 July Reply

    Ah, the old Mummy guilt. As you say, we are so hard on ourselves. We aren’t perfect but we’re doing the best that we can.
    You are doing an amazing job in very difficult circumstances. Being a Mum is hard enough, when you factor in being a single Mum, working and running a business, you are doing an amazing job! You’ll get into the swing of things and it’ll get easier.
    We do what we have to do to make it through the day. So what if you use the ipad to get a few minutes break?
    At the end of the day all that matters is that your beautiful Ariel knows how much you love her. If she goes to sleep knowing that then you’ve done your job. I’m very sure that not a second goes by where your little darling doesn’t know how much she is loved.
    xxx

    • Raylene Barton
      Posted at 00:14h, 21 July Reply

      Thank you Anissa and that is so true. Its the love that counts doesn’t it. And if I am doing my best then I should not feel guilty.xxxx

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